like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
