This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
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I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
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I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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