Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
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