my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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