Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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