so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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