I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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