I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
