There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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