can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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