Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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