Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
