yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
