I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
