The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
