I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We are all done wearing pants today
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
