I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
