fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
