i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
