She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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