Just mADE A PArabola og urine
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
