Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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