You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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