why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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