I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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