I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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