This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
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everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
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You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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