There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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