yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
