i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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