Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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