Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
where does the pee come out of this thing
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
