Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
