Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
