wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
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He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
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I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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