It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
