Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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