Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
