Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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