i don't plan on having that self control this summer
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
