Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
