ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
