i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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