We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
