Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
