ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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