you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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