I think my fart just growled at me.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
