girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
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But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
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He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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