What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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