Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
