I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
why is half of my head shaved?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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