____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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