she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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