I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
