I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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