The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
