so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
