Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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