Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
