Your face is a jimmy john
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
the gays at disneyland are vicious
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
