AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
