I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
