i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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