I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
