Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
