she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
