Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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