Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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