k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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