im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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