At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
