actually, I'm a sock model
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
