Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
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He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
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He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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