Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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