I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
two words...techno handjob
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
