I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
