Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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