Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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