what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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