You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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