I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
