i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
bring money and cleavage
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
