Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Found your dick twin last night
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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