she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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