Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
