This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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