Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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