I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
