We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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