dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
