The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
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And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
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I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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